What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

My life is so biszare .

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Do crossdressers like wearing pantyliners and tampons in their butts?

Would this be the day?

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Comes on , in middle age.

Why is the show The Big Bang Theory so hated?

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

How does a 45-year-old man get a girlfriend?

But, we were locked up after school.

I have no regrets .

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ NEW WOMAN - analysis ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Why do I want to give up on men?

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

As i do to all so called friends.?

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

Overthinking is killing me day-by-day. What should I do?

What did i know ?

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Heart in distress? 9 silent symptoms you shouldn’t overlook - Times of India

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I was scared of men, in general

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

What is one thing nice you did for someone today or something they did for you?

(And it was in our own minds.)

Was to survive, this bastard.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Have you been with a stranger yet?

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

What's it like to have an IQ of 140 to 170? Do people notice you're different?

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Put me off passion for life!!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

What makes someone feel "rich enough" in different societies?

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

What is your review of House of the Dragon Season 2 finale, Episode 8?

Ive learnt so much.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I could never make a relationship work though!

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

We were not on the streets..

I will be 64.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

My family never makes their pension either.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Who then, do I blame.?

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

This is how, and why children get BPD.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I couldn’t, believe it.

I write beautiful poetry .

When she asked me how she looked .

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Why did i forgive my father ?

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

He knew the spot.

This is soul school!.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

And i lived it daily.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I was very sick at this time too.

Especially a lifetime of it.

It was going to be , some day.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

We all went to grammer schools

One cannot live in the past .

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I don,t even have a pension.

She married twice! .

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

All the time i was locked up.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I waited trembling.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

So, i spoilt her more .

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

But it wasn’t much.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I was seconnd youngest,

She wouldn,t have been !

I said to her

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I think the readers, may guess!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

She found it foreign!.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

I never cut or harmed myself..

He resisted the act ,that day.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Im still living with it.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

I was 9 years of age.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

He was dying to do it , i knew.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

So whats the point in blame.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

I had hoped to write a book about this .

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

She was in good health!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

She loved him until the end.